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I'm Michael Scott, Regional Manager at Dunder Mifflin Lexington, and, I hope, future Constable for Fayette County District 2.
If elected, I promise to treat the county as my office, and every citizen as my employee and a member of my family.
I have many qualifications and credentials that qualify and credential me to run for constable. Here are just a few:
I believe the office is the place where dreams come true, and as a manager I work everyday to make that happen. As constable, I promise to turn Fayette County into the world's biggest office!
I have frequently addressed the public on behalf of Dunder Mifflin. In fact, some say I apologize publicly more than anyone they've ever met.
I have worked for Dunder Mifflin since 1992. I am loyal to my company, and I promise the same loyalty to Lexington.
Two years in a row. Sales is an art that applies to all areas of life. If I can sell you copier paper, I can serve you court papers.
The most important thing a constable does is make friends. He makes friends of the officers and employees of the Lexington court system. He makes friends with the people he locates and serves court papers to. He makes friends of the people he arrests and delivers to court. Friendship is the highest quality of the constable.
As an expert in stress-relief, I will do everything in my power to promote peace in Lexington.
According to wikipedia, one of the duties of constable is "to provide court service and security." With my Assitant to the Constable, Dwight Schrute, by my side, I can assure you that the courts will be secure.
The core of "constable" is "stable," and I promise to promote the stableness of the courts.
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